I have to document it here because I am impressed.
There is one thing in my life that has always been making me anxious and that is driving a car. I have driver’s license, I know all the rules, I even drive a manual car and since I was a kid, I always wanted to drive. There was something mysterious for me about this very routine activity (actually, research in psychology shows that driving, for example, on a highway activates the right side of the brain and has a similar effect that we feel when we draw, cook or when we are absorbed in a creative activity).
But as soon as I sit in front of the wheel, my heartbeat speeds up, my hands start shaking and this inexplicable anxiety hits me. I have absolutely no idea why but I do remember my father and grandfather having the same thing so maybe it is genetic?
I have had this anxiety for years and for the past few months, I did not need to drive so I was not paying much attention to it. There was one thing that changed though. During these months I started meditating – I was doing it first thing in the morning for 10-25 minutes for around 3 months.
Today I had to drive to do some errands. I was dreading the whole morning going down to start the car. When I sat in front of the wheel, I felt nothing. My hands were not shaking, my heartbeat did not change, I started the car and left. Actually, I did not feel nothing, I felt present. I was not thinking about how stressful it will be to drive, I was just driving – paying attention to the road, shifting gears and so on. It has never happened before and I felt really happy and relieved.
I have also noticed and I am not anymore thinking about my days in terms of “this is a good day” and “this is a bad day”. I am taking them as “this is a day” and living through whatever happens in that day and this is big, and positive, in my opinion, change for me.
I always hear about the benefits of meditation and after meditating for some time, I was wondering if it actually does help me. I am not going to doubt anymore. Tomorrow morning, this will be the first thing I will be doing when I wake up.