On Runner’s Mind

I run what seems a lot to people around me – around 30-40k per week. I get questions about running often but the most popular one is “How do you run so much?”. I always answer that even if you run a lot, you have to jump over your own “I can’t” every single time.

I usually do not listen to anything when I run: no music and no e-books. I take my running hour as a meditation session – I think everything that is in my mind through,  make all my important decisions and face all the thoughts I do not want to face. But some days I am just observing my thoughts and whatever comes to my mind. My recent run was like this – I was very conscious about what I was thinking and thought that it would great to record it to illustrate exactly what I mean by jumping over my own “I can’t”. So here we go:

It is 6:30 am, still a bit dark outside. I turn off my alarm and check the weather – 2C. Yikes, that’s cold. I am thinking to wait at least until 7 am to see if it gets better.

It is 7:00 am, it did not get better. I sigh and go look for my warm running gear including gloves. I step outside of the house: the streets are empty, neighbors are still peacefully sleeping and I get hit by the freezing air.

I start my first kilometer, passing by houses and getting closer to the forest where my usual running path is. Still no people, I jealously look at the light in the neighbor’s windows – it is so cold outside! I condemn my decision to get out. Why is this so hard today, I am thinking. But I am already running so maybe I can keep on going.

At 3k, I am starting to feel warm – why on Earth did I grab those gloves? Now I have to carry them along all the time. There is no one in the forest, why would they be? It is freezing! Only squirrels are jumping around. Hey friends!

Just after 5k, I am suffocating. My heartbeat is out of control, can I stop, please? I need more air, I am so tempted to take a break, hey I can walk back home. Why, why I am doing this every time?

Close to 7k, I am starting to feel in control. Hey, I can keep on going like this for a while. Oops, there is a snake that I almost stepped on. I screamed out loud and sped up,  looks like it will be my fastest run in a while. I really don’t like those snakes, at least it was a small one.

After 8k, what a great day, the sun is out, my speed is great. I love these morning runs, they make me feel so good.

At 10k,  done for today: can someone please give me a chocolate medal that I deserve for getting out?

I take 5 more minutes to walk back home. I can feel the sun rays playing with my hair and the fresh air penetrating my lungs.  It looks like I can after all. I feel good. I am on the runner’s high.


  1. Sandy McFadden

    Really like this post and can relate. Back when I was a better runner I really felt the same way as you. It was a way to clear my head, work things out etc. A great way to start the day, or get a break. At my peak I was running 40km a week too. It felt normal. Right now when I’m running all I think about is, don’t die and make it to the end.

    Offer still stands to come throw a snake at you during your race to help you run faster 😛

    Liked by 3 people

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